First feedback on the beta chapters by Eleftheria Chrysochoou

Good evening my Aengels,

I have had a really harsh weekend as me and my family are all down with a virus.
So i have not been writing allot i think i will do some writing after i am done with this post.
But even though i didn’t have a good weekend there was something that made my entire weekend, which was  some notes send to me by  Eleftheria Chrysochoou from Athens, she also helped me shape a bit of the story as a source before she even knew what the story was about.
She asked me to keep her in the loop so i did after the beta chapters went public, she read the beta chapters to the novel.
And send me these notes, that i will now share with you

Hi, here are my notes on the beginning of your book:

– It’s a very pleasant surprise to read about Greece (no matter if it’s about the country’s poor finances; it’s a change from ‘Greece is all about tourism, sun and the islands’). It’s also interesting to read how the situation here can be perceived abroad mainly due to news broadcasted.
– How an average young family tackles the current global financial crisis. I like that Daniel uses numbers and facts that readers can look up and ‘investigate’ a little on their own. Sadly, that’s the way it is nowadays all around Europe.
– Your writing style is my favourite. Third person, no descriptions beyond what is necessary, dialogue, and gradually adding character information here and there. I’m not particularly fond of 1st person writing (there’s also 2nd person going around these days).
– The Dutch Employee Insurance agency sounds like it can be a bureaucratic pain. On the other hand, I suppose it also probably makes sure that the money goes to the right people (at least in theory).
– Very good point about ice cubes used with tap water in certain exotic countries. Many people don’t think about that.
– The terrorism incidents make the story very intriguing and make you wonder what kind of attack is going to happen later. Even more so now with the current state of affairs.
– “Time flies when the government is taking your money” – lol
– Just when I was thinking ‘what a sweet husband, he also cooks for his family’ it turns out that he used to be a chef! (well, he’s still very sweet to them anyway!).
– A few punctuation mistakes here and there, but I’m sure your editor will catch those.
– I would have liked to read a little bit about Daniel at the event as a chef. See how he behaves as a professional outside home and family, around other/new people etc. Everything is so very well described up to that point that his experience at the event feels ‘missing’. Maybe on purpose?
– The use of bike and tram is very North/West European, adds to the atmosphere/environment.
– Ah, Syria! That made me start looking if airplanes still fly right over Syria -they still do!-

Overall, I enjoyed reading those first pages in one go. The story is intriguing, especially the terrorism side of it, and the writing style made me care about what happens to every character, from Daniel to his aunt. Something is going to go wrong but we still don’t know when or how exactly, which makes us look for clues everywhere and adds to the tension. I’m curious to find out what happens next. It’s a book I’d recommend to Greeks/people who live in Greece and definitely one I’d buy. Good job!

i want to thank Eleftheria Chrysochoou  for hher notes and i would most definatly keep them in mind for a second draft

Σ’ευχαριστώ φίλε μου

Sincerely

autograph

Aengelheart

 

 

 

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